i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
