whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
