Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
