I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
