I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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