she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
