my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize