This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
