It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize