Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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