Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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