the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize