let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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