So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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