FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
