she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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