I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
