I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
