So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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