I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
