wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
