You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
