Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
