You made me cry and you don't even care
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
