I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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