I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
