You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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