and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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