get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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