Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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