he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
