You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
