My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
