Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
