I think I just saw someone hide a body.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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