I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
