hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
