I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
