Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
