Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
