when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
