I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
