Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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