Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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