At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
