I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
her vagine was all disorganized.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
