I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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