I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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