Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
