I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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