It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
