I wish I only lived at night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
