OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
