You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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