I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
