the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
