I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
