So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
