I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was confusing and full of hummus
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
