i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
