hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
