i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize