:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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