I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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