It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize