WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
