It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
